Hi my name is Jamie I do not have autism but cerebral palsy. (A disease of the brain). I have found myself in defense mode a lot over the past year. I just recently had to walk away from an amazing job that I have had for a year, then that job started giving me a lot of anxiety and stress. I will not go into details as I might return to this job one day. Besides my anxiety I also have displaced anger and tend to get frustrated with people very easily. This never used to be the case with me as typically I am a very happy person who is always ready to help others and get things done to the best of my ability. But the way my brain thinks and the way other people think are different from me, I’m not saying that being different is bad, but sometimes it feels like people don’t understand the way I think therefore I feel like they don’t always like my way of thinking. I go to an amazing Church that gives me opportunities to grow within my faith and in other areas of my life as well, I help out with lyrics at my church, getting them up for the worship team using pro presenter software. (A common technical software found in churches). Two weeks ago I had been asked to serve for the 9 AM mass and in my eyes it was a bumpy ride, let’s just say that I blew up at one of the staff members over text and almost got myself in trouble for it. I have since made up with him and I think we are on good terms again but this is just another example of my displaced anger. It happened at my workplace a couple times and now it has happened at church and that makes me really uncomfortable. There are some other details that have caused my displaced anger but I do not want to go into it right now. I also have a lot of self-esteem issues, that is mainly because people were putting me down at my last job, basically telling me that I knew nothing and they knew everything. I am a problem solver, and every time I would try to problem solve they would treat me like I was 5 instead of 26. That really hurt. Let it be known that my boss was amazing it was other people within the team that weren’t. I am taking the breaking free course because I realize I need assistance when it comes to my defense mode and how to handle myself better I’m hoping to use these tools effectively in the very near future for whatever comes next for me. Thank you for reading.
Posted by starpower at 2022-09-20 10:34:29 UTC