Hello, I am 33 years old and I am the step father of a recently turned 9-year-old boy who we believe will be diagnosed with autism soon. Very recently, within the last four months or so, our lives have been completely transformed by our son’s radical changes in behavior from a obvious nervous social energy to rage and uncontrollable fits with hitting and shocking language, it seems that he’s finally hit a breaking point where’s he found the courage to maybe say what’s he’s never been mature enough to say before if that makes sense. Our boy can be very confrontational seemingly out of the blue, everyone in the house is afraid and on eggshells, inviting eye contact and engaging with him can be a risky endeavor right now, things can be going really well and then in a snap he will become a extremely rude. The worst part for me personally is that he is so verbally abusive to his mother and I but he cannot spend a moment alone, so as his behavior escalated we, naturally feel like we need a break from him and a moment to have some space because we are trying not take anything he’s doing or saying to us personally so that we can continue to be there for him. So he might be yelling at us saying “No! I’m not going to eat my dinner! I hate you!” Then we would say “go to your room right now!” … but this isolation is essentially the most triggering and upsetting thing that can possibly be done to him. What are we supposed to do? He has been trying to run out of the house lately. Furthermore, we have three other children in our home including an 18 month old infant and a 6 month old infant and our boys behaviors and needs are scary, and we physically sometimes cannot provide him what we think he needs even though we wish we could. Everyone involved but our son more than anyone are in a lot of pain right now, I just bought “7 easy ways…”and I am really excited to get started and begin learning. Right now, as a human I am scraping the bottom of my soul for patience and sympathy but I must confess I do not know if I am strong enough, mature enough, good enough to give my son what he deserves. Being a step parent is really hard, and I’m afraid I’ve already mucked it up and lost some trust in the process applying my neurotypical action = consequence thinking to my relationship with my boy. I don’t know what I am looking for right now, but just about anything would help y’all. A good place to start, practically speaking, might be to find some other parents/support to talk with. Please help! Thank you -Joey

Posted by Joey at 2025-03-07 16:14:19 UTC