Our 25yo son is on the spectrum and has comorbid OCD (contamination). Our parenting decisions revolved around him. Our daughters were harmed as a result. Sometimes love is not enough. We loved them all yet parented out of fear. We feared his melt downs. We stopped socializing, the girls had to plan having friends over, we began staying in our beds at night to give him some house freedom. There is so much more. In the end, our home is broken and he has not yet started any therapy and does not see/understand the part he played. He physically threatened his sister after he felt violated. I am not downplaying his feelings of violation. He felt violated. In the big life picture: he is 25, lives in a 3200 sq ft living space home with his own room. He has damaged areas of the home from either water (washing hands) or temper outbursts (holes in walls, destroyed bannister and doors) and has refused any treatment. We offered to build him his own efficiency in the basement with windows and outside access. It was refused. I have PTSD. Loud noises cause a physical sick reaction in my body. I worry about approaching any area in which he has a personal item no matter how much care I take. His anger is scary. He is strong. He has learned some control and coping strategies. He is a kind loving young man. He can also be scary, controlling, and manipulative. I want the world for him. He would like to be self sufficient. He would like to have a wife and children. I’m sharing because we all have stories and no one walks alone. I drink too much and worry about my health. It has become an unhealthy coping mechanism. On the upside, after much effort and lifestyle change I lost weight and have gained confidence. The search for help and information will continue. However, he needs to want and accept help. I need to learn how to live with his choices.

Posted by sl mcnally at 2022-07-30 02:14:40 UTC