Does anyone else on the spectrum feel like their special interest is useless? I love to write and illustrate, but I feel like it’s totally a waste of time because I’m not making money. I’m blessed to have parents that support me so willingly, but in a way, that makes me feel worse about not being able to return the favor financially. To be a successful, independent creative, you have to be the best of the best to stand out, but I’m still learning, and at age 24, I feel like a complete failure because I haven’t even accomplished any of the “standard” life milestones yet like my siblings have (getting a full time job, driver’s license, moving out). Frankly, I’m just too scared to. I can’t do anything other than write, draw, and play video games. I simply do not have the capacity. I’m told I’m talented, but putting “my parents think I’m neat” on a resume then going nonverbal in an interview wouldn’t be promising. I’d rather be a self published author anyway, but what that requires scares me even more. Since I can’t do anything other than art and writing, my life is a huge gamble in terms of succeeding and thriving one day. There’s a reason it’s “starving” artist and not “super awesome, at peace, rich” artist. It’ll take years more for me to get my art on the professional level I’m seeking, but I feel like I’m running out of time, that one day soon everyone will realize that I’m a loser who lives at home and is disillusioned with the impossible fantasy of writing a successful comic book series. I feel this overwhelming burden to prove I’m more than some ASD diagnosis, that I’m more than sound sensitivity and defense mode. I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to know that doing what I love is enough to be successful one day, though I doubt this is an ASD-exclusive feeling, but having ASD certainly compounds it. I am beyond grateful for the resources Asperger Experts provides and I’m learning so much about myself. It’s helping a lot, I just needed to get this off my chest and see if maybe someone out there is feeling a similar way, so they don’t feel so alone.

Posted by kelahti at 2024-09-14 23:18:02 UTC