I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was around 9 or 10 years old. Being so young, it was hard to make sense of it all. I had a hard time reconciling this bombshell that was dropped on me. I hated the idea of being so different from everyone else. But as time went on, even I couldn't deny that something was off. My social skills often left much to be desired, and it became apparent I was never going to function in society the way most "normal" people would. I felt like an abnormality, a mistake. it also didn't help that I was raised in a religious household where certain beliefs & ideals were so staunchly held by my family and were consistently pushed down my throat at practically every turn. I felt like I was never truly allowed to think and act independently, out of fear that I would be significantly scolded -- and, to an extreme degree, disowned. My family say they still love me and whatnot; but I still feel as if I've disappointed them, that I didn't turn out to be the person they wanted and expected me to be. Because I was so hyper-aware of what I had to experience both internally AND externally, I experienced a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. Hence why I was never very successful at maintaining friendships and why I generally keep people at arm's length. I've gotten to the point where I'm just burned out on life. Especially this whole ordeal where I'm forced to wake up in the morning and I'm forced drive so many minutes to a job that forces me to be around the same people for so many hours a day, week, month, and year. I'm sorry, but this just isn't going to cut it for my anymore. My dad says I'm crazy for considering a job where I work from home since that essentially means abandoning the social aspect. However, I prefer to be in a familiar -- and comfortable -- environment where there isn't work drama or shoddy management or corporate bigwigs doing the occasional drop-in and reinforcing the idea (in a monotone voice) that we're all one big, happy family. I value my alone time, and I refuse to jeopardize my sanity any longer by putting up with anyone & everyone who doesn't care about my mental health and general well-being. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Posted by abnick94 at 2024-09-10 04:36:43 UTC