Hey, I'm in my 20s, autistic, and I am an intelligent human being. I fear my parents taking things out of context and implementing things they think are correct but have been very traumatic. My dad is a severe "red liner", for example. I've PTSD and CPTSD among a plethora of other professionals diagnosed mental complications. These labels are NOT who I am, I am who I am. However, my parents decide things without including me in the discussion. I dont want to guide them to something that would be "easiest" or "comfortable" for me, but the most realistic and beneficial choice. Truly. I'm very uncomfortable feeling like a dog to be trained, a child to forced to produce an outcome or be punished, or someone who's voice is dismissed or not heard. I read that you encourage parents to listen and talk with their child, but my mom only has so much emotional capacity and has a lot of responsibility besides me. My dad works all the time and I've never felt comforted by him. He still thinks incorrectly about mental illness and behavior. He isn't really open emotionally and isn't available. He still cares, they both do, but I feel alone, monitored, and worked on. Im scared of the next surprise. For example, many people say autistic people play video games ALL the time. I play a little, and I think that my parents think I play all the time when they catch me once or twice. See one rabbit, there's a hundred more in the field, kinda thoughts. Its actually hard to get motivated enough to do things I enjoy, so I am grateful for the few times I feel joy from doing things I like. But it feels like it's a bad thing. This is just one example of fear of misconception and fear of what they will decide to do to fix it. They don't communicate with me on every little thing like this, and I understand; that isn't even realistic. If I have a concern like this, is it best to bring it up myself? I feel my parents don't trust me. So much so, I find myself trying to plead with them so believe me, even in just saying I love them, when I'm really in a bad place. That is partially my own fears, but how do I get my parents to trust me, when my own brain and body are not reliable to uphold promises? I'm really tired and scared and I'm exhausted and some things I find on the readings could be a tool they try to use that damages what growth I've been making. I've been making my own very simple meals most the time for example. How do I tell if my parents trust me? How do I feel assured they aren't "scheming" behind my back? (I am exaggerating for comedic effect, but yeah, worried.) I dont want to control every aspect, oversee and approve everything my parents decide to do on their own, but I've been though some really permanently damaging things. I AM smart and I can contribute and I do have good intentions. What do I do!?
Posted by Kayli at 2022-07-23 02:09:39 UTC