I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that the overwhelming majority of the population, maybe even all of them, will never truly and fully accept me for who I am, with many showing outright hostility and/or taking advantage of me for it, and it’s because of my Asperger’s, and that no matter what I do, they’ll be able to sniff out that I’m ”different” and “weird” like a bloodhound, and that I’ll never be able to experience the love and belonging from others I so desperately crave, not even from my own family (who often chide me for being inconsiderate the moment I’m anything less than the perfect, hyper-aware little boy, yet expect me to give them a pass when they’re inconsiderate themselves because “we jump for you but you don’t jump for us.”) It’s not just that I’ll never be able to attain the societal expectations of love I feel I was promised, no matter what I do. It’s that I have this urge to share myself with others, an urge I can never fulfill. It’s friggin’ painful and it’s making me want to break down crying. It’s like Will Smith in the Fresh Prince saying, “how come he don’t want me, man?”, but on a global scale. How to cope?

Posted by marcopolo_96 at 2024-08-14 02:16:16 UTC