I need some advice quickly. My mom is always saying that her "special" days don't matter and she doesn't need any gifts or anything. When I don't get her a gift she gets mad at me. When I don't say anything to her she gets mad at me. She got mad at me for not saying Happy Mothers Day to her depsite her never giving me a chance and her saying that she didn't want me to say happy mothers day so when she got mad at me later I told her the same thing she told me that she didn't want me to say it. It's her birthday today and she just got mad at me for not saying happy birthday. Last year she got mad at me for not picking up her subtle hints that she didn't want a gift and she said she doesn't want a gift. I thought I had told her happy birthday but she says I never did and said she had been dropping subtle hints such as asking me to look at birthday rewards in her email, asking me to look at the calendar, her saying she got birthday cards in the mail. She says when someone doesn't remember your special day it feels like they don't care. She said she was waiting in the living room for me to spend time with her. I told her that I thought she was mad at me so I didn't think she wanted me with her. She told me "that's just your perspective." It felt really demeaning. I told her that it is also in the way she acted when I picked her up from the hotel and since then (she stayed at a hotel 30 minutes away from me for a work conference). She had been pushing her stress off onto me and yelling and getting mad for small things (for example, she was driving and she had a yield, she turned and there was oncoming traffic and I told her she needed to speed up because she had a yield, and she got mad and yelled at me and threw her hands up). She then repeated that it was just my perspective and never validated it. It was really demeaning. I need help on what to say. I know I shouldn't say what I am thinking right now. What I am thinking right now: She is giving mixed messages. I so wanted to say "Sorry for being a disappointment. I'll try to do better." I have felt this way so many times but know if I say that it will only make it worse. She's stressing me out all the time and I am beginning to forget small things due to the immense stress. She won't be direct in her communication, she is indirect and gives mixed messages. She is beginning to lose me slowly and I am actively planning to move out. On that topic, she can't even pick up on my subtle hints like suggesting to others some apartments off campus and saying that I have done research on them and giving pros and cons, telling her I want to wait until I am 18 and immediately apply for a service animal because I will have enough space for my current animal and a service animal by the time I get one, and more. If she can't pick up on subtle hints, why am I I expected to??? She specifically scheduled her conference on her birthday as far as I know, what the heck do I do? (She suggested it to her manager to do the conference in the first place.) I told her I am trying to get her a gift after not being allowed to go to restaurants and get some birthday rewards for her (with my money). If she only spends emotional energy on me on what seems like scenarios that she will use in the future as a "remember the time I did ___ for you" why should I put emotional energy into her? She has regularly used things like "you should be paying me for staying in this house I can't believe you'd want me to get that for you, you should save up for that" in the past for things that are perfectly reasonable or I am getting because she wants me to. I'm yelled at either way, but expected to get it all right? Give me a break here.

Posted by Annoymous1 at 2024-06-05 01:56:37 UTC