My kiddo wants a smart phone before school lets out. Not just a call and text phone, but a full smart phone like a couple of his friends have. My husband and my conditions for his getting this phone are that the phone goes with us for the evening and that we have the right to inspect the phone and it's contents on demand to ensure that everything is being handled responsibly. However, I have great concerns about our ability to execute these rules because our kiddo goes ballistic if we have to turn off the Internet when he is not following one of the very limited rules that we have about screens. A very big part of me suspects that part of the reason we see the intense reaction is because we have never executed our rules fully because of his very intense reaction. The may still be part of him that pushes until we give in (even though we try hard not to give in once we have been very clear about the rule). On the other hand, I guess I also have a nagging voice that says maybe we just need to go forward with the phone to build his trust that we care about helping him communicate with his friends, despite the inevitable problems we will have about enforcing phone rules. I know I can always take it away later if he is misusing the privilege of having the phone. But it will be a lot harder if we haven't held a hard line with him. It feels like giving him something he's not ready for. But he's so insistent that he won't be able to keep friends he's made this year if he doesn't have a phone. He's looking at this in a very black and white way. If it were my daughter, I absolutely would not get her a phone if she was struggling in the way my son is. I would explain it to her and have no remorse, confident I was doing the right thing. With my son, I feel like he will hold us hostage until we give him 95% of what he wants, and only then will he reciprocate. As I write this, I feel a bit like a crazy person. I can't even really express what my concerns are or why I would even doubt myself. There is something I can't quite put my finger on but which makes the decision whether to give him a phone or not just agonizing, like we are doomed to fail no matter what.

Posted by sophieno at 2024-05-30 03:33:39 UTC