How can you feel proud when something is normal for you? My whole life I have been people-pleasing. Thankfully a user (won't say name just in case they don't want to be named) just informed me about fawning. I highly identify with it and seeing it is common for trauma, I identify even more so. I'm used to just being really ahead in school, because it is easy and always has been easy. I've always wanted to take super advanced classes. I just graduated early from high school (3 semesters) and am going into college as a Junior. This was easy for me. The hardest part were the people. I get exhausted easily from having to interact/be around others and I was regularly bullied. That was the only hard part about school. I actually was recommended to skip a grade (go into 2nd grade when I was 4) but my mom didn't allow me. I wanted to skip two grades in middle school because I was so bored to death. I ended up taking a class at the local high school because even my advanced middle school couldn't accomodate me. I wanted to take as many college classes as possible in high school and regularly had more college classes than high school (the most high school classes I had was 3 and had 5 college in the same semester). This has always just felt easy for me. I just got off the phone with my therapist and when expressing that to her she says I need to give myself more credit because it isn't normal and I am ahead. But why give yourself credit if it is the bare minimum for you? She said that it is not the bare minimum for others and that is why I should be proud. But why be proud if it is the bare minimum for me? That's like being proud just because you did the dishwasher or did something basic to take care of. My brain is just thinking why? Why is that something to be proud of? I don't know. Maybe it is due to trauma or not being normal in this world. Maybe it is because I am different? Anyways, going back to the fawning. I didn't even have the heart to tell my therapist that I didn't actually do all I wanted to and didn't even do the bare minimum for me. I'm always people-pleasing even when it is dangerous to my health or others. I regularly do things while injured that could injure me farther (moved furniture a few days after my knee surgery, moved heavy boxes and furniture in small spaces when my ankle was sprained, didn't want to bother anyone when I hurt my ankle, later learning I sprained both sides of my ankle). My therapist said this was normal and that I just had to learn to not do it. How??? How do I just "not do it?" How the heck does that work? Why can't I just tell her exactly what I am going through without being in fear for others and myself? I'm always afraid that if I tell anyone that my mom is yelling at me or blaming me for everything or may even be bipolar that something will happen to her. I don't know what to do...... it's like I do one thing and it is wrong but do the other thing and it is also wrong..... I'm so confused....

Posted by Annoymous1 at 2024-05-09 18:16:15 UTC