Update at bottom of post: My lifecoaching (billed under ABA) is here. The supervisor came to set new goals. My mom is taking part in it. They all were saying that I could say whatever I needed and a lot of my goals are based around self-advocacy. As soon as I started talking, my mom immediately started taking offense to everything I was saying, and 99% of it was not directed at her. One of the things I said is that I fear speaking up for myself due to how others act and nobody listens to me, and they all interupt and talk over me, for the most part. My mom started making all these faced thar she makes when mad. The supervisor (we'll call her S from now on) said that a big part of it was me asking "Hey, you look like you are mad, are you?" I didn't say what I wanted to say which was that I have tried that and my mom just gets mad at me. I was actively taking blame for everything but my mom was getting madder and madder. While we were trying to make one of the goals I asked her a simple question and she got mad and couldn't answer me. She immediately said "we're dropping this." And when she is talking and trying to make goals, she blames everything on me, overexaggerates everything, and won't take any blame for herself. Everything is my fault. She doesn't want to go through the "parent training" either and wants to continue exactly what she is doing without changing. Several times they have suggested things that she needs to change but she doesn't want to even attempt to change. I had to step away but I was too scared to say that so I just claimed I was going fo the bathroom. I don't know whar is wrong with me. Am I really this messed up? At the same time, some suggestions have been made that she may be narcissistic, and I agree that the symptoms do match. However, I always circle back and start blaming myself. My mom even insisted on a goal being made towards respect. I am respectful but what she deems as respect is unclear. S tried to ask her for an example but she just said "typical teenage phase" and S asked if she meant the delivery. My mom immedkately went "yes, and the tone and what she says" and I asked her "What do you mean by tone? My tone is typically pretty flat." My mom got mad and said "we're getting into counseling we need to drop it here, your tone isn't always flat." She always has to have the last words. I am 99% certain the "parent training" will do nothing she will not pay attention. Help please. I am so confused. Update: I went back in the room and when a time came up, I asked my mom if she could step out really quickly. My mom made a face like she was REALLY mad. Her lips were clenched and drawn in. Her eyes rolled. Eyebrows went down and furrowed. The part towards her nose went down while the opposite end of the eyebrow went up. She walked into my room and closed the door. I talked really lowly to S and said that a big part is her not listening to me and not wanting to change even small things to help me and believing that I am constantly trying to throw her under the bus. S said "As much as I want to say we can, we can't change her." I nodded my head and said "Yes, I don't want to change her, I just want her to hear me out and understand." Then S said "We are here for you, and while we can teach her some things, we aren't here for her. We are here to help you. It is also about learning how to deal with these frustrating things and learning to self-advocate. It is going to be a lot of reframing your mind to learn to deal with these frustrating situations. You are already much farther than even most high-functioning, or aspberger's patients. You have some things you need to work on, but you are already way ahead of the game." Then, I got up and got a rag while nodding my head, to ensure she knew I was still listening. At this point, tears were streaming down, quietly, and my nose was running. I wiped my face off as she continued to talk about how it is about learning how to deal with those frustrating situations as they come up, because they will come up and aren't always avoidable. At the end, I went to go get my mom. She was sitting in my bathroom floor, making a face she calls "pouting" kind of like puppy dog eyes with the lip upturned and pushed out. I told her she could come back and she said okay. I went back in the main room, and she didn't follow me. I waited for about 2 minutes before closing my bedroom door. They asked if she needed a break and I shrugged my shoulders. About 5 minutes later, she comes out. She has her arms folded downwards (like boys do where they are with their feet a little farther than shoulder width and palms are facing towards their body, clasping both hands, with both hands at the same level as the private parts) like she always does when mad. She then comes, stomps in, sulks, and says "Are we switching spots?" to me. She never gave me option of where to sit, I had came down and sat by my dog's kennel. I just shook my head yes and brought myself in to make space for her to come through. The way she acted is telling me I am going to be in MASSIVE trouble for even having the courage to ask her to step out for a minute. It was supposed to be a safe space, even she said it was supposed to be a safe space. Apparentally not. I have about an hour left, S had left and my personal lifecoach has stayed behind. There is about an hour left with her. After she leaves, it is (following patterns) all bets are off. I am terrified of what will happen. Knowing my mom, I will probably be yelled at, my stuff will be hit/slammed onto stuff, my stuff will be thrown away, etc. There are no civil conversations with my mom. I'm honestly absolutely terrified but I have no way to avoid it. I am trying to get help but if my mom even thinks someone is going to suggest anything to her or thinks someone is saying something bad about her, she goes ballistic. My mom thinks everyone is out to get her and has tried teaching me the same. Honestly, I don't believe her BS (I don't normally say that kind of stuff but I felt I had to...) and I know not everyone is out to get me. Yes, there are some bad people, but not everybody is bad and you can trust some people. Tips and tricks? Any advice?

Posted by Annoymous1 at 2024-05-03 18:16:09 UTC