End of April/beginning of May report: Turns out the toilet thing was largely overblown. I’m going to the toilet without any stimuli and it’s working for me. At the moment, I played The Sims 4 for an entire weekend (plus Monday & Tuesday) and SOMEHOW still managed to do everything I needed to do, within the time I wanted for the most part. Also scored a 73% on my tax exam, a personal best in the CPA program despite being dysregulated on the day of my exam. I also have developed the ability to know when I’m feeling good, average, or bad when waking up, and it more often than not tracks with objective measures of heart rate variability (nervous system regulation symptom). I can adjust my strategy depending on the day as well. I also switched my personal grooming day (shave, & monthly haircut) from Friday evening to Thursday evening because I know that when I do get back to lifting, Thursday will be a core workout day that’s less consuming than my planned Friday lift. In turn, I’ve shifted bookkeeping for my family (which is the less time-consuming weekly errand between bookkeeping and shaving) from Thursday evening to Friday evening. I used to do both of those errands every Friday evening, but found it too taxing, so I split it up into two days. Still no luck on the job/dating fronts, and I haven’t really been able to put in effort on those fronts, but I also think any effort I make on those fronts, with the way the world is, will be futile & just dysregulate me more. I feel dissatisfied that I’m not progressing in terms of results the world can see fast enough, or really at all, and at times, that’s a tough pill to swallow. I just feel at times like I’ll never be able to build a fulfilling career/business or date & have loving relationships with the women I want because I was dysregulated during my high school/university years, and it feels awful. But I understand at this point that my main obligation is to my own nervous system. To ensure it doesn’t get completely out of whack so that I have the right foundation to deal with those things when I am able to get back to them, if I ever am.

Posted by marcopolo_96 at 2024-05-01 05:13:52 UTC