Update: How do I know when I'm allowed to step away from an argument? My mom wants me to step away when she gets mad but when I get mad I'm not allowed to step away? My mom will actively antagnoize me and try to get me back in the argument, whether she or I is mad. I don't understand because when I step away I get heck for it and she wants me to join back in the argument but whenever I don't step away I also get heck for it??? How do I know when to step away so that an argument doesn't get heated? How do I give my mom criticism in a positive way? I've tried writing, texting, talking with me taking the blame, using I statements, etc. Everything seems to backfire on me and make me in worse mental health. She constantly takes money from me (has for years) and claims it is only when she really needs it, yet often it is for fast food when I try to convince her out of it but she insists. If I don't give her the money then I am the bad guy... When she is mad she throws away my stuff, that I bought with MY OWN money. How? What the heck am I expected to do? I'm not a mind reader. When I told her that I'm not a mind reader and that I'm not allowed to step away from arguments she interuppted me mid-sentence and said that I have been stepping away and "this is [her] stepping away" when what I wanted to say is I'm not allowed to step away or I'll get heck for it. She "wants" to have the hard conversations yet she constantly interupts me and when I tell her to stop she yells and gets mad and then we can't have the conversation. Oh but if it is a conversation where she can place blame on me? Oh yeah I can't interupt her AT ALL or she does the same thing and gets mad. She constantly misunderstands me but when I misunderstand I'm being "disrespectful." When I misunderstand something it is my fault. When she misunderstands something it is my fault. When she misunderstands something, her view (the misunderstood one) is 1000000% the truth and is totally not incorrect, even when brought up to her that it wasn't meant that way. She says she doesn't want to turn into my grandmother but she is. I also believe she is in the early stages of dementia (our family gets it in their early 40s-50s) because she can't remember ANYTHING (unless that is an act to place blame on me?) and constantly says the wrong thing (i.e. when talking to my doctor she said that I was having pain in the complete wrong area and I had to correct her, this happens CONSTANTLY with EVERY LITTLE THING) but when I correct her, if in front of others she will get mad later, if we are by ourselves she will get mad, like really mad. I feel the early stages of dementia (if she is not acting) is definitely playing a part in her turning into my grandmother. Her fuse is getting shorter, easily angered, easily enraged, impulsive spending (so bad that she is continuing our family's cycle of debt even though she "wants" to break our family's cycles), symptoms of bipolar, sleeping constantly whenever she is not working, she is turning into a workaholic (working even during the night.... even after she doesn't need to yet she complains that she has 30 overtime hours a week or more and can't put them on her paycheck even though she can...) and she won't let me speak at all then gets mad whenever I don't say anything. How do I manage this??????????? I'm so confused.........

Posted by Annoymous at 2024-04-15 11:52:33 UTC