I feel like I’m about to lose my dang mind. From Sun-Tue, I: - Had to deal with a cleaning day at home (with family help) - Hosted an eclipse party - Have had crazy amounts of laundry to do that I could only do at night due to cost concerns, with hardly anyone helping me because they were too tired (other than folding bedsheets, which I literally can’t do no matter how hard I try; I was helped then) - Had to finish an orientation course to the next step of my CPA (accounting designation) program - Got a tetanus booster shot (my previous one expired) There’s also several things on my plate: - 3 full loads of laundry to go - I’m expecting a difficult conversation with my mom tonight about finding a job (I.e. yelling & screaming about how anyone can do it SO EASILY, EVERYONE’S HIRING, and WE’RE GOING TO DIE SOON SO YOU AND YOUR BROTHER WILL KNOW POVERTY IN THE STREET, FEAR, FEAR, FEAR!) after she emailed me an internal memo in her company despite the fact that I literally don’t meet the criteria for those jobs, and that I’ve been looking unsuccessfully, and that she literally mentioned to me her company doesn’t hire family on principle - Taking care of the family finances on Thursday - Shaving on Friday On top of that, my HRV has been going down (6.8 today, 6.9 the 3 days before that, down from 7-8 the previous week or so), I had chest pains from deep exhaling, so I had to stop, and I have no idea what’s physiologically causing me to shut down. I’ve returned to maladaptive coping habits. I feel like I need a break, but I also know life is the honey badger, and Honey Badger don’t care and doesn’t stop for no one, so I have to stay on the treadmill to keep up. I feel so overwhelmed right now with no way out. And I don’t want to adjust my expectations because what I was doing when I felt regulated felt so good & empowering to me. And I’m already so behind in life and I need to catch up and this shutdown is NOT helping me. I feel like I’m about to either shut down or melt down. Help me.

Posted by marcopolo_96 at 2024-04-10 21:43:41 UTC