I was recently diagnosed with Level 2 Autism. My mom was very understanding at first but this understanding as turned into an absolute hatred of the diagnosis of Autism. She keeps calling it "teenage rebellion" and "teenage crap." I get it, I've always been through typical phases such as the "why" phases later in life but I do not understand some things. She wants me to be honest with her, so I am. But when I am honest with her she often shouts and acts as though I know absolutely nothing, talks over me, interrupts me, shouts at me, etc. Recently today she told me I will live by her rules or else I can find a way to leave and live somewhere else. First of all, I have an emotional support animal that will not be welcome if I go couch surfing. Second, I know absolutely nobody. Third, I have tried having a job before but I got extremely overwhelmed. I am currently going to college to get a degree in order for me to hopefully get a job that will not be overwhelming for me, but I have at least 4 more years to get a degree. After that, I must be hired somewhere. What do I do? Do I just be submissive and never stand up for myself, unlike what she is telling me to do? One such example was recently she asked me a question. I asked her if I could be honest without her getting mad, she said yes. I told her that I did think she was bipolar, like my grandmother. She is constantly talking about things my grandmother did to her as a kid and saying she does not want our relationship to end up like theirs. However, with the exception of violence, she is turning EXACTLY like my grandmother. We were supposed to be having a "honest" conversation (which never seems to be that way... more like a what am I doing wrong to her and I am not allowed to express anything) and I told her I felt as though I could not express my emotions but when she wants to express her emotions she can yell, slam doors, throw things away, etc. When she is mad I am often very scared (in terms of not knowing what to do) and my ESA is also very scared when it happens, often retreating to her kennel. When I asked her what to do when she was mad and how should I express how I am feeling to her she simply stated "Maybe I don't want you turning out like me. When I am mad walk away." I asked her what should I do if she continues to pull me in. She responded that I should let her continue but not say anything. When I put both of those into practice, it led me to have more debilitating mygraines, vomiting, extreme anxiety, etc. and she would not quit and would keep pulling me in, getting madder with each time. This is what led to her saying that I am to live by her rules or leave. I am still a minor, however, I am old enough to be legally kicked out. If I am ever to be kicked out I fear what might happen to me and my ESA. What should I do and how do y'all recommend I gather a support system and enact it, worst case scenario? What should I do while I am unable to work due to disability but I do not qualify for benefits because my family is too high of income? Do y'all know of any programs that will allow me to continue going to college (right not accumulating no debt because my costs are about 10k a semester and I am getting a 9k scholarship) while also giving me help in terms of daily living and a place to stay? In some cases I feel like this Autism diagnosis, brought up/initiated by my counselor who my mom forced me to go to, has been a life saver but in others it feels like it has absolutely ruined my life. Any suggestions are appreciated. Can someone also give me perspectives from a parent as to why she might be saying to be my true self yet expecting me to mask, and telling me to be honest yet getting mad at me when I am? I am also very monotone, so I do not know how I could be phrasing things wrong or in the wrong tone as to give her the idea that I am insulting her, maybe I have no clue what she is thinking because when we do get in arguments and I am "winning" she will immediately say "You're wrong and you know it" as I am trying to disengage and walk away. Sorry for the long post and rant.

Posted by Annoymous at 2024-03-31 00:30:38 UTC