Hi everyone, I am new to the site and I have a 20 year old daughter that I am confident has autism/Asperger’s but was undiagnosed. She is was “difficult” infant who cried a lot for no apparent reason but met all the major milestones (speaking, walking, etc). I am a family medicine doctor, an MD, by the way. I taught her sign language to communicate as a baby at 8 months old and this seemed to help alleviate some of her crying. She picked up about 20 signs easily and used them alot. She had constant screaming meltdowns as a toddler and young child when she wouldn’t get her way. I was stopped by the “mall police” because they thought I was child abductor when I had to carry her out of the mall having an inconsolable tantrum because she I wouldn’t let her ride the train over and over and over. The police came to my house once when she was 4 years old because she screamed so loud and so long that the neighbors called them. I had put her in “time out” for something. She has always been difficult to console once she gets worked up. She never played well with other children and prefers to play alone or with one child or with an adult but has always been very sensitive and sweet and kind to animals. She has always loved to tell stories and sing. She was diagnosed with learning disabilities and a specific math disability as well as developmental delay in second grade when her “grades” were failing and she was not keeping up with her peers academically.(She was tested by the school district at my request and placed on an IEP and in special education based upon the findings). She was never diagnosed as autistic though thinking back, she never really had any friends. She struggled with the transition to middle school and again to high school but each time she did well once she was back receiving special ed services and had her resource teacher looking after her every day. She was tested every 2-3 years by the school psychologist and always the same diagnosis of developmental delay, specific learning disability and adhd. She was put on various medications for adhd which helped a little. She struggled to get her homework done at home but always had glowing reviews from all of her teachers that she behaved so well in class and worked so hard. Then the Covid pandemic hit. She could not deal with online school. She couldn’t do it. She refused to do her work. Refused. It was a daily battle with me. Crying. Meltdowns. It was horrible. Just awful. Her resource teacher worked with me to get her back into the classroom and she did better and we got her to graduate in 2020. Since then she tried to go to community college, she took English, math, history, and an art class but it proved to be too difficult for her at this time (she functions at about 12 years old mentality) and now she has been home. She is in her room. Online. She is obsessed. Obsessed with a Video game called Five nights at Freddy and it’s fandom. She dresses and makes costumes. She write and she sings. She has a beautiful voice. She wants to be a voice over actor. She has only online friends and that is the only thing they talk about. This game and the characters. They draw art and create “fan fiction” about the characters. I have tried to be supportive of her. I love her but I want her to thrive, not rot away in her dirty room writing fan fiction. Lately I have gotten her to come out of her room by getting her to start cooking with me. We are learning to cook together and taking some cooking classes together which is very fun for both of us. We are also cleaning and doing chores around the house together. We are going to take a swimming class together (she is a masters level swimmer actually and I have never taken a swimming class). I believe she is in defense mode. I showed her a video yesterday and she started to cry. She said, “I am lazy.” I told her that she is not lazy! That she needs to find the right people to help her to reach her dreams and I am here to help her do it. I asked her psychiatrist to test her for autism and she said it doesn’t make a difference. She wouldn’t do it. But I feel like it would be so affirming for Rachel. I told her that I think she is autistic and that her brain is different and special and intelligent. So how do I find the right people to help her get a diagnosis and get therapy to help her? I cannot bear to watch this sweet, bright, kind young women who has so much to offer the world rot away in her bedroom because she is too afraid to go out into the world. I just don’t know how to help her. How do I get my adult daughter tested for autism? I know she is autistic. Where do I go?

Posted by danielleweiler at 2024-01-13 22:37:54 UTC