Sometimes I look and see a lot of reasons to grieve over, GRIEVING OVER NOT BEING ABLE TO CHANGE THE OUTCOME OF MY SITUATION. "every situation" I just know I am going to be miserable, and I don't want to do it so I grieve. Deny I can get through it, Angry because i am afraid, Bargaining because I want to be comfortable, Sad when I realize I have no other choice, Comfortably Uncomfortable when I accept the task in front of me. I can't think of them all at this moment. Take my lacking communication skills for an example. I have a tough time almost every day going through the grieving process. I spent a lot of time grieving, to others it may have looked a lot like depression. I also spent a lot of time afraid of being "angry" which builds barriers between others and myself. Let's recap Denial, I don't know that I ever denied the diagnosis. But I did at one point have trouble accepting who I am. Anger, consumed me when I found out my parents could have had more evaluation done as the doctor recommended at age nine. Bargaining, this is where my parents and I lived for years. Bargaining is such a dangerous step in recovering from grief. There are so many ways to bargain. I traded one life for another. For example, I chose to use substances "alcohol-drugs" as a substitute rather than live out my life of fears, I got more than I bargained for. Depression, happens when something "big" inpatient to me, the opportunity that comes and I just don't have the support team in place to achieve. So I immediately realize and counter attack and take captive the thoughts that might be harmful to my stability. Acceptance, I spend most of my time here now. Accepting I am perfect. The simple definition of the word perfect is COMPLETE ✅💯. I am completely aware of the opportunity to learn and grow. Denial was pretty tough, I denied having any responsibility for my situation. Always blaming others. My parents for having me. I am not the victim. Anger was my go to fix it all, always my way of showing that I was grieving something. I would self mutilate or "hurt myself" so I wouldn't be mean to others. I grieved all kinds of stuff. For example, leaving my parents and living on my own. How was i going to live without Codependency. Too, I am actively working these steps in Celebrate Recovery, or CR. I have had a rough life, but when things are extreme for me. It takes extreme measures to snap me out of it or I could be locked in a "mode" sometimes for years. I may have been helpless some of the time, and some of the actions people took to snap me out of it were extreme. I don't know what to say besides, I AM ON THE SPECTRUM AND MY FAMILY AND I ARE WITH ME, AND WE HAVE TO GUARD OURSELVES FROM EVERY STAGE OF GRIEF.

Posted by Facebooklockout at 2023-12-31 03:55:06 UTC