WARNING ⚠️ THIS MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOU. I would like to share a little bit of my story with you guys. Mom and Dad separated before I was old enough to fully understand. Mom and stepdad were heavy drinkers. I was basically exposed to pornography.➰ I had a friend, whose mom was charged with coaching children in sex acts with other children. ➰Mom's illness from smoking cigarettes was getting worse. Dad rescued us from the terrible situation we were in. Life was getting better. Started going to church. Reading the Bible. Then we moved again when mom's health started getting worse. Mom and Dad did not tell me how bad Mom's illness was. I was able to go to work with my brother over the summer my junior and senior year of high school. I graduated, and I went to work with my brother full time. I don't think I could have without working with my brothers trust and and understanding. Doing construction I found out that there's a whole other world out there and I fell in the cracks of that world, the gutter. ➰Yes this was a life changing traumatic event. For me to believe this is how people interacted together. I was very confused for years, and didn't understand why I was like this until a psychologist spoke with me when I started remembering things from my past.➰ Soon I lost the skills I had learned through school about socializing and I took on the socializing skills of an addict. Quit my job. Continued using. Even started stealing my mom's medication. I knew it was wrong but it felt normal. The normal that I was experiencing was because of the simulating situation I was in with my mom and stepdad, the partying and all that goes with it. After Mom passed there was no more medication to steal, so I began to explore deeper into street drugs. I was about 30 years old when mom passed. And I became an IV user of methamphetamines. I also started exploring and became addicted to sexually immoral fantasy. The psychologist said, that this is normal for someone that had been exposed to this type of stimulation as a child. The sexual addiction was much harder to face than drug use. I'm now 5 years clean from IV use, and my brain is starting to function more normal like without amphetamine. Also I am able to be around the opposite sex without feeling like a creep anymore. At the time my brain was learning to cope with the world. I became physically and verbally violent again. Just like when I started to mature into an adult. The psychologist said the violence was also due to this type of stimulation as a child. Breaking things, breaking hearts, and self-mutilation. My family was there for me the whole time. Helping me along, supporting me through the ups and downs that often came with trying to stay away from addictions. We know now that the addictive behavior will always be part of my life. No matter where I am. But when the time came my brother made a decision he was no longer going to enable. So he had me evicted. My brother was not going to enable me any longer. My guess is my brother saw something in me I didn't see in myself, Hope. My family gave me the option to get the help I needed to cope with the world and life. With possibly the opportunity to come back home, or just never come back. I lived underneath a bridge that was close to the house for a couple months. My father continued to enable me as I lived under the bridge. My father enabled me by helping me buy alcohol. And my brother made it clear that if dad continued to enable me we would both be evicted off the property. Otherwise I would not stop living underneath the bridge. It was then when I had no one to turn to help continue my addiction. I decided to get help and that led me to this discipleship program that I have graduated from and now I'm a volunteer. Soon I will be back to working full time out of town with the company my brother also works for. But this time we will not be working together in the field. My brother knew that I was capable of being on my own. My brother and I worked together. He knew I was capable of making decisions. My brother knew I was codependent with my father. I was codependent with my father on everything. Every situation we were happy together. We were sad together we fought together. We fought against each other together. My brother was only doing what he knew best to do for me, for dad and for the family. But I wanted to share my story of hope, because I know that I'm not the only one out there with a story like this! And I want to bring Hope to the table. I want others to know that they're not alone. I want people to know that shame has no place in recovery!

Posted by Facebooklockout at 2023-12-19 20:24:17 UTC