When I was experiencing emotion I did not understand I often created a new situation. This is common across the board. Creating this situation at such high levels of fear, "anger" "hatred" "anxiety" I could do little to prevent the outcome of the situation. And yes the situation I created often caused hurts, stress and was detrimental to others usually those closest to me because; • I wanted others to know how I felt. • I was experiencing something I was not able to explain with words. Don't know if this helps any of the parents. But maybe someone can benefit from this experience I've been through! I just want those who may see this pattern of behavior to maybe have clarity. Creating situations to get a response, yes the emotion is real at least for me it is. But it doesn't change the fact that I was "am" addicted to the natural chemistry make up my brain will provide in stressful situations. When the situation I created no longer gave me what I wanted, a Rush of hormones, adrenaline, dopamine, whatever. I started finding reasons to be angry, creating situational chaos. To get the chemicals needed to successfully get what I wanted. "A High" I don't like the Lows. There is no danger, I'm not starving, I'm not going to die when I am left alone. Now I am driven, knowing what is going on with me I have a responsibility to others. To myself. I am responsible. When I allowed someone to be themselves, now this guy is the director of the program I am in, like the other day this fellow was throwing a little tantrum because I was not able to relate to what he was saying. Maybe he thought he was doing a good job communicating. I felt like I was floating, and my eyesight changed. This was a different physical response than I'm used to. I am learning to cope with these types of situations. To get the response from others I am seeking. Their not angry with me, no, there angry because they did not get what they wanted! Don't give up on you, being stronger than you were yesterday. X"practice practice practice"

Posted by Facebooklockout at 2023-12-03 05:56:44 UTC