Not sure if this is a challenge for others when it comes to an ASPIE apologizing, but it seems the line "but I didn't mean it" and "it's not my fault." Can be commonly used as a deflection for the actions. While the intention might not have been malicious, and there might have been other factors which triggered a behavior, and they might not actually be "sorry"/regretting their actions. This seems especially hard when the NT sibling is upset at the ASD sibling bc their meltdown caused harm. I know it's so hard to tell the ASD child to apologize as it seems like you're punishing them for something they couldn't control. So I did some thinking and this is what I realized. Here's a better explanation to give them them. An apology isn't just an acceptance of guilt, it's an acknowledgement of the others feelings. It's a validation of their emotions, and sometimes that's all a person really needs when they've been hurt, intentionally or not. It's the acknowledgement most people crave, and that's why any guilt tripped, patronizing, or forced apologies won't due, bc those don't acknowledge the pain felt. The "apology" doesn't even need to be an "I'm sorry." It could be "I see you are sad. My actions of hitting hurt you. I regret hurting you via hitting. I should not hit, and I will try to do better. Would you like an ice pack?" FYI I do believe a child should learn follow up actions eg: if in their meltdown they tore apart a siblings stuffy, then after the meltdown, and acknowledgement of pain caused. They can try to resow the stuffy. Thus learning that while we all have big feelings, actions have consequences and a blanket "sorry" isn't really what most people want, nor will it help make things better.
Posted by millersam07 at 2022-06-03 07:30:06 UTC