I created a sort of bare bones accountability agreement with my 17 year old son. Things were going ok but have gotten off track, as is typical of everything I try. I have a question regarding the story in the Motivation book about the mother and daughter who disagreed about the girl's bedtime, with the girl wanting to stay up later to read. The argument was made that the mother shouldn't assume the daughter would not get up on time if she was permitted to stay up later to read. The practice was put to the test and the girl, in fact, was able to get up. What happens, though, when the parents' assumption is proven to be correct? How do you handle this? We face so many "failures", when all I want is to be proven "wrong." I am pulling for my son to succeed and yet he doesn't get over certain hurdles. Our agreement then has been broken and the repercussion has to go into affect -- over and over and over. How many times can the "goal" not be met and the repercussion be put in place? It's like Groundhog Day. What we have in our agreement is that basically after a certain number of missed marks, a more severe repercussion is to happen. Then it happens again and again. I feel like no progress is made, and we're just stuck in the mud. If I keep giving repercussions, this kid's spirit is going to be crushed. If I keep giving second chances and grace periods, does he learn anything other than, 'This agreement is worthless and Mom can't make anything stick." I'm emotionally drained.
Posted by Tara23 at 2023-09-16 22:59:35 UTC