Who has issues with plans not working? I had made plans to visit my aunt for the week. She was going to pick me up today, and had some stomach issues and didn't want to drive until they went away. So we postponed to tomorrow. It really is a challenge for me to process time, and when I am worried plans won't work out, and I start catastrophizing about every little thing that could go wrong. I will worry about the weather, or car trouble, or someone like my aunt getting in a car accident while driving to pick me up. When I put a lot of effort into making plans (washing and packing clothes, travel arrangements etc) and it doesn't happen that way, I feel like I got hit by a truck (and I have been hit by a truck so I know what that feels like). Like if I made plans to go somewhere and it doesn't work out, I literally will feel like all my energy gets sucked out and lie in bed until I get to where I had planned to be. So right now, I just feel like a mess because I am still home when I was supposed to be at my aunt's house. It also seems to be the case that in the back of my mind, I think that everything bad that happens is somehow my fault. So I am constantly trying to think of things that could go wrong and how to do something to prevent it. But this just wears me out, because I am second guessing everything I say and do, and how I say or do it. Lots of what ifs, like what if this happens, am I doing something wrong. And I wish I could just relax and be able to know that I did everything I could do and that I did the best I could. I am sick of being worried all the time, about doing something wrong or making a mistake or not doing something right. It is literally physically exhausting me.
Posted by joshuarp at 2023-06-24 22:53:39 UTC