It’s the middle of the night here and I am so pleased to have found this community. I have just bought the motivation book as I am trying to manage my own anxiety/panic around my 23 year old son who has just confessed he has failed his second year of uni for the second time. Covid and the lack of routine did for him the first time and he explained the Ukraine war sent him spiralling into panic attacks the second time when he ended up doom scrolling. He has been pretending to be completing his third year but has just been living in Uni accommodation doing very little apart from eating and spending time on his phone. No friends ar uni. He has lied at every turn even when asked direct questions about what was happening and if there were any problems. This is the third time he has lied in this way (the first time about completing a history A level and the second about failing his second year for the first time) and this could have been avoided by letting us know he was struggling and asking for help. I have discussed this not seeking help with him before and we have a close and loving relationship. I have not pressured him to go to uni but wanted him to succeed once he made that decision. I feel responsible, disappointed and cross by turns. He is a bright, quirky lad with a great sense of humour but low self esteem. He is obviously in defence mood as you term it so motivation is probably not a good place to start. I read your article about failure which was encouraging. I tell my kids they can learn from their mistakes but right now, his being 23 with no degree, four “wasted” years behind him and no motivation to do anything seems a big challenge. Micro managing him and tough love seem not to be appropriate. I am considering therapy to manage his anxiety. It feels like a mountain to me! Thanks for listening. I am going to try to get a little sleep now.

Posted by jsyrettbarker at 2023-03-29 04:59:57 UTC