Hello, I'm the parent of a 15 year old young man. I say parent because biologically he is my grandson. I have raised him since he was a baby. I noticed early on that he was very different, I ask a few of my cousins who are special education teachers to spend time with him and they told me to have him evaluated. That was a fun road to travel. Some told me he was to young some said no such thing as Autism or Aspergers. Maybe for this next part I should explain that he used to attack me there were no triggers just be playing and bam slam me in the face with his truck. He hit me so hard once in the kidney I had to go to the hospital. I walked around with black eyes and bruises on my face. He pediatrician ask if my husband was hurting me. I laughed and explained that he was deployed and she asked who than, I just looked at him and cried. She was the very first person who actually helped me. She told me about a center and made the appointment. I was finally on the road to help. They taught me what to do to help him and me as well. I had to learn to not allow him to escalate me along with him. I had to learn an entire new way to communicate. I had to learn to FIGHT because I promise the schools DONT want to help you get your IEP or 504. I have a friend in NYC who is an advocate for special needs family's and she found me someone local to me. I promise when I walked into that next meeting with her the change in the room was palpable. It was insane. The school counselor who had been blowing off my requests almost fainted she actually said oh you didn't need to get Shauna involved. I not only got that 504 but I got them to remove notes calling him a sexual predator. (He poked a friend in the stomach and thigh) He was 5. This was their word and honestly a very twisted view of a child being a child he was a little boy being a little boy and they wanted to label him something that would destroy his life. Anyway he was doing well in school As and Bs. Like most kids on the spectrum math and science were easy for him. Music was like he was born understanding it. But social skills were 0 it so hard to explain to you kid that no the boys who beat him up are not his friends. He is a freshman now and has a pretty good group of friends the issue is his grades he is barley passing. One of these friends told him don't worry about grades as long as you get Ds and some Cs your fine. Some how this kids ideas are more important than mine somehow my sweet caring young man shut down and refusing to engage in school. He gets very angry when I try to get him to open up or ask if he is alright. He has had a very bad last 2 years. Covid destroyed so much. He couldn't go to school and my Daughters (his mother)marriage broke up in a very violent way. He was pretty close to his step father and boom he was out of his life. I tried to explain it was to dangerous for him to see him. Than my husband walked out when I became sick he didn't want a sick wife. We raised Nyky he calls us Mom and Dad. (His idea) when he left he dumped him as well. (Sorry for all the personal stuff and the long post) my fear is that this behavior is going to continue as a pattern like all people on the spectrum patterns are who they are. Good and Bad. I need help again to learn to teach him to change these patterns to improve his life. Thanks in advance for that help.

Posted by ntoefield at 2023-01-23 12:05:22 UTC