Hi so I know one of the big concerns for parents is if their beautiful child will find a loving partner. Well me and my ASD BF have been together for 5yrs now. We've had a lot of ups and downs, and I've had to learn so much! One of the biggest challenges was trying to force our relationship to be 'neurotypical'. I'll admit I think a lot of the demands I placed on him pushed him into defense mode. I always have loved him, but I was judging how much he loved me by things like 'did he buy me chocolates on Vday?' 'no? then it must mean he doesn't value our relationship'. (reality was he just thinks vday is a dumb corporate holiday that forces pressure to conform and perform, and he prefers to randomly surprise me with my favorite reeses candy) Ironically, it was always when I eased back, and stopped demanding we act a certain way that things were good. Learning about defense mode, the vagus nerve, and all the videos have helped SO MUCH! By backing off it gave him the space to do all the small things that need to be done eg: taking out the trash, feeding the cats, cleaning the toilet, and yes having the emotional capacity to talk through when, and why were struggling. He's helped me through panic/anxiety attacks, he is my rock when I'm struggling, and he's the first one to go to bat for me. We laugh together, cry together, and now were looking to buy a house together! Its not all sunshine and roses, but what serious relationships ever are? ASD isn't a 'struggle were overcoming' Thank you Danny and Team for helping me understand this! And for all parents on here, know that if a serious long term relationship is something your child wants. Its definitely something they can have. It just needs to be one where both sides accept each other completely and LISTEN to the other's needs. But hey did you really want your kid to fall for someone who can't see them for the amazing person they are anyway ;)

Posted by millersam07 at 2022-03-17 06:43:06 UTC